Win Run Chart: Not for the faint of Heart

Posted on 03/12/2011 by


“They were not composed altogether of flesh and blood. They had shape…but that shape was not made of matter. When the stars were right, They could plunge from world to world through the sky; but when the stars were wrong, They could not live. But although They no longer lived, They would never really die. They all lay in stone houses in Their great city of R’lyeh, preserved by the spells of mighty Cthulhu for a glorious resurrection when the stars and the earth might once more be ready for Them ” -H.P. Lovecraft The Call of Cthulhu

Unspeakable horrors. Inhuman landspaces. Merciless despair. I speak of course of the dregs of the NBA. The Cavs, Wizards, Timberwolves, Kings and Raptors, are the worst teams in the league and for some sick reason people want me to do a win run chart for all these teams.

Heaven help us, I thought it would be kinda fun. So this post is brought to you by:

You know by now how we roll.

Let’s get this show on the road. But first, basics are here and the Numbers here. THE QUOTES FROM THE GREAT OLD ONE are based on quotes from here (via R’lyeh of course).

What happens when you take a team and remove all of their good players? Can you win negative games? Cleveland is attempting to answer this question this season. To be fair, Varajao is a good player, Sessions could ride the bench on a contender and Manny Harris is an interesting project. Baron Davis will not find any motivation to stay in shape there.

But this is why nobody ever stays with the Cavs.

Cthulu says:”Yuggoth is one of the nicer planets in the Ghooric Zone. You should see Fomalhaut – now that’s a shithole.”

A little crazy, growing pains and dumb coaching are the rule for the Kings. The Kings have some players with potential in Evans and Cousins but they seem to have a dysfunctional organization.  Throw in Dalambert, some picks, a move and a fresh start? This team should be better next year.

If they accept that they’re a work in process and management puts the right personnel in place it just might work.

Cthulu says:””For years, I had terribly low self-esteem, because I couldn’t go anywhere without leaving a trail of slime, poisonous fumes, and hideous dead things in my wake. But through the power of positive thinking, I learned that to love yourself you must first know yourself, and understand yourself, and let your hideously mutated frog-like minions clean up all that yucky mess.”

My old friends the Wizards are up next. I admit, they are not the worst team of all time but they are not good at all this year.  They have cleared cap space feverishly and have some decent players in McGee and Wall. They do need to cut their loses with some of the riders on their bench (like Mr. Yi).  Finding a star that can form a nucleus with  McGee and Wall (and somehow getting Lewis’ contract voided in the new CBA) should be top priority.

But they seem to be on the right path.

Cthulu says:”Achieving success is far easier than most humans believe. For example, why did we, the priests of the Elder Gods of this galaxy, succeed where the avatars of the Ancient Old Ones from beyond the stars failed? The answer is absurdly simple: Vast armies of horrifying monsters.”

To mangle a tennis term, Love (as in Kevin) and love (as in the Minny roster) is not a good place to be

For the fifth straight year, Amnesty International is writing up the Twolves for Human Rights violations related to the treatment of their Best Player. In the past twenty years, Three teams can be said to have hit the big man lottery twice in the draft. The Spurs have many rings to show for it. The Magic have two final appearances. Minnesota has the eternal thanks of Beantown and whatever town eventually gets to Free Kevin Love.

The Twolves don’t ever seem to change.

Cthulu says:”Many a fool has sought to oppose my diabolical will, only to find out later that they probably shouldn’t have tried to do that.”


Bargnani is the biggest loser in the league by a signicant margin. In fact, take him out of the equation and assume Reggie Evans is back and you have close to a five hundred team with some exciting young bigs (Evans, Amir and Davis).

The problem is that Bargnani lies sleeping in Toronto and he will destroy you.

Cthulu says:”I consume human soul-energy for a living, okay? It’s my job. Just shut up and let me do my job.”

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